So. I have started my blog again. To be honest this endeavor is as much for me as it is for anyone else. A few of you have mentioned that you will miss my letters from my mission and suggested I start my blog again. I really am excited to be able to release my ramblings again to the world and those I care about. Love you all and thanks for being a part of my life! :)

This is one of the posts I wrote just before I left to San Diego. I was amazed when I read it again. Here i am, closer to my future self and able to look back on the self of yesterday and my oh my! what power lies in perspective!

Here is an excerpt from one of my favorite talks on the Atonement by one of the 12 apostles of Christ today, Elder David A. Bednar:

"The grand objective of the Savior’s gospel was summarized succinctly by President David O. McKay (1873–1970): “The purpose of the gospel is … to make bad men good and good men better, and to change human nature.”¹ Thus, the journey of mortality is to progress from bad to good to better and to experience the mighty change of heart—to have our fallen natures changed (see Mosiah 5:2).......the Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to live in us—not only to direct us but also to empower us. Most of us know that when we do wrong things, we need help to overcome the effects of sin in our lives. The Savior has paid the price and made it possible for us to become clean through His redeeming power. Most of us clearly understand that the Atonement is for sinners. I am not so sure, however, that we know and understand that the Atonement is also for saints—for good men and women who are obedient, worthy, and conscientious and who are striving to become better and serve more faithfully. We may mistakenly believe we must make the journey from good to better and become a saint all by ourselves, through sheer grit, willpower, and discipline, and with our obviously limited capacities.

The gospel of the Savior is not simply about avoiding bad in our lives; it also is essentially about doing and becoming good. And the Atonement provides help for us to overcome and avoid bad and to do and become good. Help from the Savior is available for the entire journey of mortality—from bad to good to better and to change our very nature."

kels

I keep wondering how i will look back on this. . . with regret? with warm memories? with relief? with frustration? or will i just sigh and think, what a silly girl i was. all i know is that no matter what i tell myself, or how desperately i wish things were different, this is me. this is now. and these moments now are making the me of tomorrow. the me who will be able to see clearly, to look back and hold these moments up to the light, see them for what they really are. I wish both "me"'s could meet. What a glorious encounter that would be. Would i tell me that im being foolish? would i comfortingly urge me to hang in there, knowing what lies ahead? Or would i just look into my life-stained eyes and realize.. that i already know.